My first STD was from a foam party
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
