i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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