He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ok first of all what the fuck
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize