dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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