Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
