Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
