your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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