I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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