This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
