I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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