We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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