I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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