girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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