i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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