so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
