Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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