my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
only if we run a train.
done.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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