I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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