if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize