Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
