new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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