If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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