I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS