i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.