I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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