I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?