chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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