I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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