i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
