he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
