I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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