Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish you could order shots online.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
