Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
