between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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