not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
