He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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