We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
be right there i have to get my cape
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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