I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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