i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
