Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize