Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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