my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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