New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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