we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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