you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize