Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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