Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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