I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.