im having a threesome with these popsicles
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus