There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize