the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
