It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Holy sore nipples Batman
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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