nut hugger
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
