I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
