I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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